Improve Your Writing by Making it More Concise

Keeping it simple

This week, I came across a listing in the MLS whose description began with “This is a doll house.” I wrote about it here on AG and highlighted the negative responses of the public to the copy. I encouraged people to run their MLS description paragraph by their marketing director or at least a friend with copywriting experience.

The comments on that article are filled with people sharing terrible copy they’ve seen in the MLS and Gwen Banta writes frequently here about MLS copy flubs. Most people here can read and laugh at them along with us as common sense tells you not to lie, be overly clever, use defensive language, or cliches.

We don’t just use writing skills in MLS copy, many of you are bloggers and look to communicate effectively with your readers. To that end, I want to share a story with you that I first heard when I was in college earning my English degree and was reminded of it again while reading Presentation Zen (each version is a tad different, but the point remains the same)…

The fish story

Presentation Zen’s version:

“When you talked about reducing the text on the slides, I was reminded of a story from my childhood in India. When Vijay opened his store he put up a sign that said “We Sell Fresh Fish Here.”

His father stopped by and said that the word “We” suggests an emphasis on the seller rather than the customer, and is really not needed. So the sign was changed to “Fresh Fish Sold Here.”

His brother came by and suggested that the word “here” could be done away with — it was superfluous.

Later, his neighbor stopped by to congratulate him. Then he mentioned that all passers-by could easily tell that the fish was really fresh. Mentioning the word fresh actually made it sound defensive as though there was room for doubt about the freshness. Now the sign just read: “FISH.”

As Vijay was walking back to his shop after a break he noticed that one could identify the fish from its smell from very far, at a distance from which one could barely read the sign. He knew there was no need for the word “FISH.”

Now, our blogs are fashioned to use words to convey ideas, so we can’t diminish them, but we can often get our ideas across without the fluff, especially in MLS copy. I enjoy writing, so being concise isn’t always my forté, but the fish story reminds me to stay on task and avoid floral language, especially in print marketing.

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Keywords: blogging, copywriting, Marketing

Topics: Marketing