Joe – I can imagine you had a lot of people to remember and talk to at any given time. It’s definitely something I’m trying to improve in myself, but it does take work – need to re-wire the brain to function differently. I’m like Paula, the handshake is when it slips. I’ve been trying to repeat names or when I’m on the phone jot it down as we speak. Although the other day, while ending a call with a guy named Peter, I slipped and said Paul anyway. At least I didn’t call him Mary.

Lani – And the insult of it all is what scares me. What says “you’re not important to me” more than not remembering someone’s name. Instantly, you’ve created a disappointment in someone and it can be quite dangerous in a profession like this. That’s why I am working on ways to get over this, but in the meantime, my “fix” seems to work well most of the time.

As for the comment of avatars I often wonder what will happen when I meet some of the online folks I know. Will I be disappointed if @housechick doesn’t wear a cape? Will I not recognize @Ines without a mojito? What if @respres wore a wig, would I still know him? You I’d probably recognize (I better), but even if I didn’t I’d recognize your voice immediately as most of what I “know” about you is your voice.

Interesting fact about Bush that I never knew. We always tried to do that same sort of stuff when we did tours, meeting different people on crews, bus drivers, promoters – we always tried to be on a first name basis with all of them, some bands never do and they’re missing out on some great people. One of our bus drivers, Brian, was a great man and always took good care of me. He died several years later while driving the band Reef around (carbon monoxide while he was sleeping). I remember getting emails from his family because they knew him and I were close when we toured with him driving. The amount of times that guy listened to me when I was having a problem…those are the relationships I’ll always remember from tour.

Being active in online social networking can either complicate or enhance this process of remembering names because you recognize people’s avatars and either (1) see them out of context and not remember why you recognize them or (2) see them in person and feel as if you’re quite familiar with them.

When President George W Bush was the Governor of Texas, he spent a great deal of time underground at the capital (as the support staff works on the basement level) and started many days out with walking from office to office saying hello- he remembered every person’s name down to the janitorial staff and inquired about personal details he recalled from spouses to dogs. No, he didn’t have an aide with him whispering intel into his ear, he was simply a natural connector and remembered the details. I aspire to be that but in the future but for now will use your tip to never indicate verbally whether I’ve met someone!

Flash forward to three weeks ago, and I’m at a post-retirement party for a Master Chief and Great American, and this couple is sitting next to me smiling at me and chatting like I’m their long lost brother. Like a dumb-ass, I eventually reach out my hand and say “I’m Joe Loomer, by the way.” Seems I met them both several times over the course of my Detailer travels, and helped secure them a joint posting when it looked like they’d be split up for three years. I’d made a huge impression on them, and here they now didn’t know why I couldn’t remember it.

To summarize, “Hey How You Doing?” is now MY mantra too. Although in my neck of the woods it’s more like “Howdy Y’all.”

Navy Chief, Navy Pride

My children and husband remember everything – authors of books, how the story end, directors of movies, everything, they must have a huge hard drive I guess the kids don’t take after Mom.

I use the same strategy as you – Hey, how are you? It’s been too long – anything until my memory comes back. It can be rather uncomfortable, until you realize, they may not remember either.