I am a wealthy investor in San Antonio with close to a billion dollars to invest ($999,999,9992.50 to be exact). I have a need for Ann Arbor real estate, but I only like to work in cash (I have never used checks). Because of this I am looking for an agent in your area who would be willing to accept a large wire transfer to their account, so that I may fly up there and purchase some real estate (I do not want to fly with that much money on me). If you’d be willing to help, I’d be willing to (as a gesture of good will) furnish you with $50 million as a way for us both to invest heavily in your market and dominate your local area as the strongest players in the investment game. If you would like to participate I need only your bank details to facilitate the transfer and I will meet you there in one week. See you soon.

Sincerely,
Matt “I swear I’m not going to scam you” Stigliano

1) I will fire my team and go back to being a solo agent because I love to work 24/7.

2) I will go back to mailing snail mail just listed and just sold cards.

3) I will stop all lead generation asap because we can’t call them leads and PPC doesn’t work.

4) I will attend every convention in the U.S. because I need to be more social.

5) I will blog only once a week.

6) I will not require people to get pre-approved before we go look at houses.

7) I will talk about how bad the market is at the water cooler 30 minutes each day.

I will call back all showing requests within 24 hours, (Or not)

9) I will spend $ like there is no tomorrow on every thing offered to me.

10) I will reply to every email that someone wants to put millions in my bank acount to help them invest in my country.

I, Matt Stigliano aka rerockstar, resolve the following:

1. I will leave real estate because I’m scared.

2. I will continue to practice real estate without a SupraKey or access to the MLS (who needs that garbage anyway, I can get you to do it).

3. I will confirm your appointment to view my rental, will leave for lunch, and when you leave me messages stating that the lockbox combo isn’t working, I will call you back (finally) to tell you that I’ve confirmed it with the office and it is indeed correct. Three hours later, when I expect you to still be standing outside the rental, I will let you know that you were right and give you the updated combo.

4. If you do bring me a rental application, I will confirm you are the only application and take your app and checks. I will call you four days later to tell you someone else made it in before you, despite the fact that you followed our receptionist into the office and we don’t take faxed applications.

5. When confronted by a question or situation I don’t have enough knowledge to answer or take of confidently, I will not go to my broker and ask him questions. He doesn’t have enough time for me and I’d rather “figure it out myself.”

6. I will only write for points, comments, rewards, and favors.

7. When I hire a professional photographer, I will not expect professional photos.

8. I will never experiment with technology. Ever.

9. I will run a brokerage who’s phone number is my cell. When you call me, you will get voice mail and I don’t return calls, despite the fact that my agents won’t either. I am not responsible for their actions in any way.

10. I will stop commenting on any and all blogs. Immediately.

1. I will resolve to put a low security combo box on listings, because I’m too poor to buy a real lockbox.

2. Once putting on the combo box, I will leave the combo in the public narrative of MLS and on my voicemail, so that any knucklehead can get in the listing and hide in the dark basement to jump the unsuspecting agent.

3. I’ll wait to six days before my license expires to find the 30 hours of CE I need to renew.

4. I’ll be sure to pocket listings and specifically market buyers who could care less about good representation and allow me to represent both buyer and seller.

5. Reading? Nah, why read about real estate once you have your license? I’ll resolve to base my career on the limited information I received in Pre-Licensing 10 years ago.

6. I’ll resolve to talk to customers less, so that I can spend more time sending e-mail spam and automated listing information and believe it to be a solid agency relationship.

7. I’ll resolve to be more hateful to other agents and then act surprised when they don’t respond to me well, when I submit offers…

and…. on and on and on…

oh, that was fun!

Tina – You are too funny! I haven’t laughed that much all day. Thanks a bunch.

1. i will type all my emails using text messaging abbreviations, extensively using WTF.

2. i will photograph all my own listings without using a flash, making sure the toilet seats are up, dirty clothes are on the floor and dishes are in the sinks.

3. i will be sure to only leave a key to the back door in my lockboxes, not the front door. oh – and to get to the back door you have to scale a fence as it will be locked.

4. i will attached my lockboxes to water spigots, gas meters and deck rails that are in obscure, hard to find places preferably behind the trash cans and a few large bushes.

5. when you call to make an appt. to show one of my listings, i’ll tell you i am busy and you have to call back later. when you call back later, you will get my voice mail. i won’t return voice mails.

6. i’ll put a cbs (call b4 showing) code on all of my lockboxes, but when you call me, won’t know what the code is.

7. my listings will only have 1 photo in mls; that way buyers have to call me to find out anything else about the property. when they call me, they’ll get my voice mail. i won’t return voice mails.