For example – “tom, I plan to sell my house in the next few months and would like to do a pre-inspection of the property – can you recommend a service that can do that and maybe a painter and handyman to help me spruce up the house?”

I tell stories of situations, perhaps like theirs, perhaps not. The story can delight or amaze, but surely hammer your competence in the toughest market we have seen in a while, with a velvet fist. CNN says the market sucks- Really? We just are not participating in that market, as a matter of fact, we just listed;sold;leased for a wonderful family who had to ….. and we were able to …. and they are now moved into….because we were able to… and this is what we did to make it happen. When can you meet to see if we can … for your family…

The second you convert the discussion into a business conversation the better off we are. If it’s just friendly chit chat the conversation will revert to chit chat. If it’s a real discussion you will know. Then follow up. Apply it consistently and they will expect that the most aggressive agent they know, you will be trying to do business with them because that is what we do and it would be pure negligence on our part to allow them to be represented by anyone else. Just like David Beckham, with the transaction on the line we should want the ball because that will be the best outcome for our client.

Mack – I guess that’s a fair analogy as well as the advice we give in our own blogs. What I now do with Trulia Voices is that I include a link to my blog that deals with the question at hand (it’s the beauty of having a large library of blog posts to refer back to).

your clients pay you for the information they’re asking for, and you wouldn;t want to betray their confidence by providing the information for free to people who did not choose you as their representative

After this post…..you better believe I will be equipped with an arsenal of great answers.

Your situation is so common that it has generated great responses from all of those who have written earlier, and I would agree that you can’t always be “the” agent, even if we think you’re the best agent. Everyone knows more then one person, and sometimes their reasons for making the choices aren’t obvious to us, but doing the right thing will be its own reward. That being said you still need to be aware of people abusing your skill and knowledge.

And while no one wants to be agressive, there is nothing wrong with being assertive, and pilitely letting them know that your clients pay you for the information they’re asking for, and you wouldn;t want to betray their confidence by providing the information for free to people who did not choose you as their representative.

Dan – not to do with experience (but could be the reason for others), we have established ourselves a neighborhood experts but I can certainly see the point with friends not wanting to work with us in a business capacity (then don’t ask me for my help). The last time I asked why, the answer was price…..they ended up selling 8 months later for less than we had originally told them to list for OUCH!
(thanks for the French btw)

Another thing is that some people have a rule against working with friends in a business capacity.

In general I would give the advice and not worry about it. It will come back to you in the long run. If you are really frustrated you might go ahead and ask, “I am curious, why did you hire Agent X?”

Really though if they are listed with another agent it is really an ethical violation to advise them. I personally think it’s a stupid self serving rule made up by NAR (think Doctors and second opinions) but you can always take that angle.

Besides I want to get kissed first. There’s no point in getting sued for advice you gave when you didn’t even sell the property.

I’m certainly not a hard sell type and question that all the time – maybe I’d make more/do better if I was. Thing is I can’t and won’t. Don’t wanna.

Jay – I have to learn to get better without the shock of “I have to feed my children” type of answer or “do you see ‘will work for free’ anywhere around me?” – I guess we have to keep being ourselves and know our boundaries and be able to do it gracefully. (definitely easier said than done)

I am the polar opposite of hard sell.

I *have* gotten better recently though in telling people that I can’t help them if they are working with another agent. I just stumble through it. Most people seem to accept it. More than once, someone has come to us after firing their agent because they found us, our site, and/or the blog helpful in some way.

It is *really* hard to tell someone “no more free advice”, but it is sometimes necessary. DO NOT feel bad about it. (which is easier said than done)

I love Matt Thompson’s answer. Bingo. And I ‘ve used similar wording before. It’s refreshing to take a stance that you have value and your service and knowledge has value that, while sharing and giving teasers away for free is good, demands a certain level of respect and compensation.

My favourite is people calling me (whom I’ve never met or talked to before) to discuss a deal they are in (with another agent) at the moment and wondering if they made the right decision. Ha! What do they want me to say? This is all I can say: “Gee, you should have come to me sooner… talk to your agent and keep coming back to the site. Hope you like it and tell your friends about me.”

It’s a great discussion because those of us that are not aggressive sales people, have issues with being straight forward…..but I do think that it’s important to recognize the difference between being aggressive and just “hoping”, as you very well put it.

Penny One – You’re doing the right thing, helping out, connecting, etc., don’t change that.

Penny two – At the conclusion of you helpful advice, etc., I would include some wrap up convo with something like this, of course tailor it to your personality. They as a question, you answer, wait for it, they say ‘thanks”, you spring into subtle but direct, hug it out specific dialogue mode: “Your welcome. Thanks for asking…hey let me ask you a question if you don’t mind? I’m always doing field surveys, here’s my question, “If a neighbor or a co-worker was thinking about selling or buying a home and they asked you for a the name of a Realtor, who’s the first person you think of, who would you recommend?” If they say you, sweet. Next I’d ask, “Of all your _______ who do you think will be moving next”. They give you a name, ask, “May I call them”. Then if you’re creative or even more bold, I would ask, ” How about you, if you decided to make a move, would you be open minded to interviewing me for the job?” Something like that.

Penny three – yeah, it’s a bit odd, a bit aggressive for some, but you know what, they are asking you for real estate advice because they view you as savvy, go for the gusto. I believe in Karma too, I also believe in the law of reciprocity, and I know those who don’t ask, don’t get. Last we all know that “hope” is a crappy strategy.